'Bout to ROCK May!!!
I think I have finally figured out why I have been so low lately. I think it’s because I have completely given up on bettering myself. Not just fitness-wise either. I don’t have any goals for myself. I haven’t been working. I’ve just been floating around hoping I’ll be happy today. I’ve grown so secure with my place in this world, that I haven’t been even thinking about trying to improve it. I’m okay with not being the fittest person in the room. I’m okay with not being the smartest person in the room. I’m okay with not being the most attractive person in the room. Bottom line is, I’m okay with who I am and I think that’s hurting me in a way. I’ve lost my drive to improve myself. I need to set some goals for myself. I remember the absolute happiest I’ve ever been was when I was in high school, playing lacrosse and always trying to get better at being goalie. I made goals for myself. I practiced at my hardest and when I broke those goals, and having the support of my teammates, I was in complete euphoria. Those were the happiest days of my life. I need to get that back. I also feel like if I spend some time really trying to focus on myself and the needs that I have for myself, I can really get back to being me. I’ve spent too long being Frank’s girlfriend, or my mom’s daughter, or somebody’s friend, I haven’t had a chance to really get in touch with Kate; to bring her back to life. She needs to breathe and get her flair back. And maybe, in return, Frank and I can get back to us too. So there’s my take on things now. I’m gonna go work out now and then set some goals for myself. ;) Have a good day everyone!
Why can’t I do this? I constantly give up. I constantly feel bad about myself. It’s not just about exercising either. I give up on everything I try. I never let myself finish anything. It’s just easier to give up than it is to feel like a failure. In my mind, by giving up, it’s my choice so it’s not technically a failure, which is better than trying and actually failing. I don’t know how to change that. I don’t know how to change my thought process. I’m scared I’ll always be this way. I need help.